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Publisher G5 Entertainment
Developer
Released: March 15, 2012
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Genre: Simulation Players: 1 Also on: iPad
Supported Features:
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Review Scores: (?) 4 - Gameplay 6 - Graphics 2 - Sound 5 - Value FINAL SCORE: |
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The Island - Castaway I’ll preface this by saying that I don’t use my iPhone for much gaming. As a serious gaming platform the iMerch just doesn’t stand up to a purpose built machine. My opinion is that’s like playing God of War on a PC . . . sure, I imagine you could do it, but why? The Island: Castaway did nothing to change my mind. What it did do was remind me of all the terrible B-movies I’ve watched in my life, ah nostalgia ...or is that toast burning? It also represents a low point in gaming, that of commodity over quality. That’s always been lurking about the edges of the industry to be sure, but it’s never been so obvious as the iStore and Facebook have made it.
This, like every other game from Farmville on down to the rat pushing a button for a treat, is simply a stimulation of your brain’s pleasure center. Sure this one has some window dressing, but it’s the barest minimum necessary. I’m embarrassed to think people actually put their name on this. So run around and collect tools and fruit and hunt some animals and...that’s it. There is no real challenge to this game. You just repeat the steps given and collect the rewards. It’s always a surprise to see game graphics on my phone. It shouldn’t be, I mean the thing can play videos, surf the web, etc, etc, just for some reason I always have a “Wow, it’s impressive they did this on my phone” moment. That being said the game looks. . .ok? It’s trapped somewhere in between NES and Super NES level visuals, which seems to be about par for iOS games. The chapter images they got together are actually good, but that’s more a compliment to the artist than anything the graphics department did technically. The voice acting in this game is the aural equivalent of someone smacking you in the face with a fish. Not the satisfying “Thwack!”, but the slimy residue and bruising. Unfortunately you don’t get the concussion either. The characters in this game are the most stereotyped of archetypes. Actually calling them archetypes is a misnomer as it assumes they are anything other than stereotypes slapped together over pieces of cardboard. The voices are just as clichéd. It really makes you want to punch a game developer in the nuts. I beat this in about five hours, so at $4.99 you’re looking at about a $1 per hour in value. As a rate of return that’s good (as a gut calculation I think the average console game gives you about 40 hours of content for $60), though to be honest I think I would rather take that $5 and go pay a bum to poke me in the eye for ten minutes. Save your $5 for a coffee or a deserving bum with thick fingers. These developers don’t warrant the encouragement. Screenshots  
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So the interface of the iPhone leaves you with exactly one input: poke the screen. Poke it over here to collect that fruit. Poke it over there to chop down that tree. Poke it over there to shoot an arrow at a boar. Poke it over there to run to that spot. There is the variation of poking, the hold your finger down, but really, that’s only for advanced players. Wouldn’t want to challenge anyone. Here is where I would drop some plot on you, if there were any. Take Gilligan’s Island, make the characters more two dimensional, take away even the vaguest ideas of storytelling, internal consistency, or “acting” and you’re beginning to approach this game. 
