Reviewed: May 31, 2003
Reviewed by: Mark Smith

Publisher
Whiptail Interactive

Developer
Running With Scissors

Released: April 15, 2003
Genre: FPS / Adventure
Players: 1
ESRB: Mature

7
8
7
7
7.1

System Requirements:

Wow – I never thought I would have to say that in a GCM review but when you are reviewing a game with absolutely no redeeming social value whatsoever, a game that perverts all that we know to be good, a game that has you decapitating innocent civilians, setting them on fire with gas then peeing on them to put them out so you can steal their money, a game where any stray kitty you might pick up fits snugly on the end of your shotgun as a silencer, a game where you unzip your pants and flash the public or get your pecker bit off by a dog and pee blood, or catch an STD and pee green chunks causing the nurse at the clinic to uncontrollably vomit on the desk (wow – there’s a lot of peeing going on in this game), and a game that makes you love every single second of it, as you snicker or even laugh aloud something has gone delightfully awry with the gaming industry and that something is Postal 2, the long-awaited sequel to Postal.

The original Postal was pretty tame in comparison. Hell, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is like an episode of Barney the Dinosaur compared to Postal 2. The original Postal caused quite a controversy because psychotic violence has never been explored in video games. Even though the game was played from an isometric view and you moved a tiny little Postal Dude around trailer parks and other stereotypical locations shooting everything in sight, this game managed to spark something in gamers and other designers alike, and a new breed of violent video games would soon be born.

With so much controversy in the media it’s a wonder the boys at RWS had the balls to even attempt a retail release of this game. This is the type of title that would be kept behind those curtains at the video store – you know the room where the girls on the tapes are “naked”. In fact, you’ll have a helluva time finding this game in retail outlets, as most “discriminating” (and I use that term in its derogatory form) stores refuse to carry it.

The brilliance of this design is that you are not required to complete these chores in any particular order or within any specific time limit. You could conceivably play this game for 50 hours before going to get your paycheck (your first objective). Therein lies the fun as most objectives are scattered to the four winds of the city and cars are “merely props to be blown-up”. You’ll be walking everywhere you go and there are ample opportunities to get into trouble.

Even if you try to “be good” sooner or later you are forced into situations where you have to fight and enemies will be made. By the end of the game you are literally being hunted down by at least 6-8 different factions including Arabs with rocket launchers, angry parents against violent video games, butchers, hunters, factory workers, you name it. You can’t cross the street without drawing fire from a dozen people.

Postal 2 takes place in a single game world. There are no multiple levels; only one giant city that is sectioned off into zones and this is where the main problem with the game lies. The load times are HORRENDOUS! There are at least a dozen sections of town and you usually have to cross 4-6 of them to get to any one objective. I’m playing on a 1.4GHz system with 512mb RAM (well above the recommended requirements) and I had to wait 45-60 seconds per tunnel that led to the next part of town.

Words can’t begin to describe the frustration of having to wait for that $&^@!# red bar to fill-up. I take back everything I ever said bad about the load time on Soldier of Fortune. I did some math taking into account the number of objectives, the average spacing between these objectives and the number of tunnels traveled to complete the game and I spent 5,400 seconds (90 min.) of my life waiting for load screens in a game that I beat in 14h:27m.

Admittedly, the gameplay got a bit repetitive at times but there always seemed to be something new to do. The objectives got crazier and incredibly hard. Picking up a package at the post office then having to fight your way through hundreds of heavily armed postal workers was grueling. At times, new objectives would be added to your notepad. Near the end of the week you come down with a nasty STD that forces you to pee but causes damage each second you do. This forces an impromptu visit to the clinic clear across town.

Nothing is easy in Postal 2. Picking up your paycheck gets you fired. Cashing your paycheck ends up in a bank robbery. Going to confession gets you caught up in a holy war between the Arabs and the Catholics. Each new day begins with a newspaper that gives you clues on current events and an update of your “notoriety”. By the end of the week the army has been called in to help the police capture “the unknown gunman”.

Every objective ends in a huge fight. Returning a library book ends in an assault by an angry mob of book-burning fanatics that set the library on fire. You have to shoot your way out and dodge burning pieces of building along the way. The mob will be added to your ever-growing enemy list and will hunt you down for the rest of the game.

There seems to be a recurring gag that everywhere you go there is an annoyingly long line. Sometimes it’s funny to sit there and listen to the bank teller cash a dozen checks before she gets to you but its obvious the game is banking (pun intended) on the fact that you are going to lose your temper and go…anyone?…POSTAL, and cash that check on your own. The same goes for waiting in line at the post office, the book return desk, the Napalm sales office (don’t ask), or even to get your book signed by Gary Coleman at the mall.

Once you have committed a crime in the presence of law enforcement you get a “wanted level” that will slowly go down when you remain out of sight. The only problem is that the cops hunt you down like the felon you are chasing you into houses, through buildings, and across town. Often you have to make a stand and kill all the cops and hope more don’t arrive.

Insane load times aside, Postal 2 is a sinful pleasure that you’ll play late at night when the kids go to bed and your kids will play while you’re at work and don’t know any better. RWS has taken violence and perversion to such extremes that it can only be considered funny. It’s kind of like how watching the medical channel can send shivers down your spine but watching Dawn of the Dead will have you laughing as a man’s intestines are devoured while he gets his blood pressure checked.

The game reaches its climactic conclusion when Armageddon arrives (without a fancy cutscene, much to the dismay of Postal Dude). All bets are off as every person in the game now has a gun and is shooting everyone else while you try to make it back to your trailer from the furthest possible point on the map (of course) while it’s raining cats. Fans of Ghostbusters will appreciate a certain Bill Murray quote in the paper regarding said felines and their unlikely roommates.

I settled for 1024x768 resolution which kept the framerate pretty smooth, even when 20 people were running around on fire and others were showing up to vomit in the streets when they saw the charred remains. Physics is depicted quite well, especially fluids like gas, urine, and blood. If you snipe a guy at the top of the hill you can watch his blood run downhill and pool up at the bottom. You can leave trails of gas that lead back to a pool under a car and drop that match for some explosive results.

Using the stun gun offers a most pleasing display of blue and purple electrical bolts followed by the victim dropping like a sack of potatoes and curling up into the fetal position to piss himself. Swinging a shovel can decapitate a victim sending their body to the ground spurting blood on the carpet while their head bounces off the walls like a soccer ball.

There is tons of humor injected into the environment ranging from billboards to T-shirts and placards being carried by picketing parents. Even the video games in the arcade are funny and offensive targeting groups like homeless and homosexuals. RWS apparently wanted to offend everyone and I can’t think of anyone they left out.

Postal Dude has tons of one-liners that range from silly to laughing-my-ass-off funny. He tries to have this serious Clint Eastwood, Lance Henricksen voice which just makes everything that much funnier. There are several cinematics including a lengthy one near the end where the ATF are raiding a compound – Waco style. These in-game movies are full of witty dialog and quite hilarious. Imagine an ATF officer saying, “Pay no attention to the men with the flamethrowers. We recommend you huddle together in small groups and douse yourself with flammable liquid for your own safety.”

Of course the opposite is also true. You could play this game indefinitely without ever completing that first objective, but you’ll eventually get tired, plus you need to advance the days to reach new parts of town and get new, bigger, and better weapons and make new, bigger, and badder enemies.

If you have a twisted sense of humor, if you hate cats and enjoy South Park, Beavis and Butthead, Jackass or any of those other guilty pleasures then you will certainly find plenty to smile about while exploring Paradise. Everyone else should save their money for stamps so they can write their congressmen about “horrible, mind-altering, kid-corrupting videogames”.