Reviewed: February 6, 2003
Reviewed by: Bertrand Lemon

Publisher
Electronic Arts

Developer
Edge of Reality

Released: January 13, 2003
Genre: Simulation
Players: 2
ESRB: Teen

2
3
4
1
1.0

Supported Features:

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that you’ve had at least some experience with The Sims at this point. It’s been out for quite a while, earned the title of “best selling PC game of all time”, as well as five different expansion packs, a new online version, and a downright silly amount of press. So it’s a safe assumption that you’re at least familiar with the concept, yes?

Alright, in an effort to be all things to all people, here it is, in a nutshell: The Sims is a “real life simulator”. A novel concept in that instead of putting you in the position of an all-powerful overlord who curses unbelievers with the plague and slaughters opposing forces with massive armies, you have executive power over the most mundane of tasks, such as sleeping, eating, watching TV, and going to the bathroom. Yes, that’s right – you will be spending a considerable amount of time watching people sleep. So get used to the idea.

This concept isn’t entirely unique. Activision’s “Little Computer People” had game players doing the same sort of thing back in ’87, but since it was a Commodore 64 game (and not a popular one at that), that’s not too many people. Of course, a much greater success was made in the genre last September with Animal Crossing for the GameCube, but that’s nothing compared to this behemoth. It’s the Sims, damn it. It crushed all records, made mountains of cash, and even had Morley Safer talking about it. And now The Sims are on PS2. Brace yourself...for the worst gaming experience you’ve had in years.

As back story, I’ve had a good amount of experience with the computer version of the Sims. I first saw the game on another computer, and I could see the appeal of it. It was charming, inventive, and engaging. But certainly it wasn’t a game that I was going to spend any time on. I mean, you couldn’t even shoot things, how fun is that?

Two weeks later, I was obsessed with the Sims, and it was unhealthy. My access to the computer I was playing it on was cut off, and there was so much I still wanted to do. I finally gave in to the pressure, and while waiting for the game to come in the mail, I went to countless Sims-related websites, stuffing my Mac with over 100 megs worth of user created skins, furniture, and the like.

My first house was the Hall of Justice, and I filled it with eight people made from my downloaded skins. There was The Incredible Hulk (who did the bulk of the housework), The Punisher (a bungee jump instructor who loved to work out in front of other people), Nightcrawler (who flourished in the life of crime), Wonder Woman (an antisocial lawyer), Aquaman (the gay trollop who made out with every man in sight), Gambit (the straight trollop who made out with every woman in sight) Wolverine (a cashier at a gas station), and Brak (he mostly watched TV). I had great fun, finally forcing Aquaman to drown in the swimming pool (oh, the irony!) and had Robin fill in on “gay trollop duties”. I had a blast.

After a couple days, I’d explored most of what I wanted to, and everything in my real life was bottoming out – including my physical health. So I removed everything Sims-related from my hard drive and vowed never to reinstall it.

Then, as the talk of the PS2 version of the Sims got louder, I started to get that same excitement, but I remembered where those urges got me last time, so I opted to just rent it, and just check out the differences. And there are plenty of differences in the PS2 Sims, but those that aren’t worse are simply disappointing. Let’s have a look-see.

A new feature you’re probably not going to be too happy about is an item gauge. This is a thermometer-looking graphic that comes up every time you go into either buy or build mode. The thermometer incrementally climbs each time you buy an item, and once it reaches the top – you can’t buy anymore. What’s more, this happens surprisingly fast. If you’re used to building garish houses with all sorts of plants, statues, artwork and the like, don’t expect to here. In fact, don’t even expect to adequately furnish a house that takes up most of the lot. Once you’ve got the necessities in place, there’s little décor you can add without filling up that damn thermometer. And that’s a one story house. Filling up a two story house isn’t even an issue, because, well – it’s impossible. Seems like an odd choice to make, although in retrospect, I suppose the ability to have a two-story house would make the item gauge issues that much more glaring.

And while we’re on newfound limitations, I’ll mention that PS2 Sims caps your family size at four people, so anything outside of the scope of the nuclear husband/wife/boy/girl family is simply out of the scope of what this game can provide. But again, that seems like it’s compensating for the dismal Create-A-Sim mode, one of the things I was most excited about. Where I was expecting a massive amount of parts, color options, and feature editing options like that in the Smackdown series, what I actually got was a list that goes something like this:

First select age (adult/child), then gender (male/female), then scroll through the dozen-or-so shirts, realize they’re all ugly, and try to pick the least offensive. Attempt to change color of said shirt, realize that does very little, and end up with the default. Repeat with pants and shoes. Then pick face (your choices are pudgy or emaciated) hair (pick between Hot Topic punk, trailer trash, and accountant), eye color (standard or unholy demon), and a limited few other badly done sundries. Swear. Sigh. Give in.

Now on to the most touted feature: two player mode! This works under a diagonal split-screen, with everything else set up predominately the same. There are mini-games, in which you have ten minutes to make more people like you, or con more money out of people, or try to beg for food, or what have you. Essentially, all of these are the same basic game, and I rarely made it to the 10-minute mark without getting bored and trying to start a slap-fight with someone.

Now in all fairness, the true two player mode is where my experience lacks. Since this game was a rental, and didn’t come with an instruction book, I didn’t know that you had to hit start on the second controller to make this happen (which I found out recently on a message board), and as such – I never had a chance to play the full two player game. I’m quite sure that playing this version of the game would change my review entirely, and upon hitting start on the second controller, a powder-blue light of purity and goodness would have emanated from my TV, and bathed me with the best gaming experience I’ve ever had in my life. But alas, this was not done, and so the scathing review continues.

I did have plenty of experience with the new “Get A Life” mission-based mode, which I completed only because I thought that was the way to unlock the two-player mode mentioned previously. You start in a trailer, living with your mother, and have to complete certain tasks in order to move out into a pigsty where some jerk keeps coming over and tells you that you’re not cool enough to hang out with him. Then you move out of that house and into another one, with said jerk as your roommate, who won’t wash his own dishes or cook food of any sort. The frustration continues, with many of your goals tied into your current job level. In a game that’s so reliant upon people acting like real people, you’re told that you can’t make out with someone because you don’t have a good enough job. And while I realize this standard might apply in some parts of Los Angeles, it’s a bit foreign to a Midwestern lad like myself.

Every task you accomplish unlocks a new furnishing for your house (unless you entered in the cheat code) like the Sonic Shower (which bathes you in sound?) and the Monkey Butler (who’s supposed to cook and clean for you, but instead, you pay 20 simoleans, he grunts, then goes back into his treehouse and waits for your maid to do it instead.)

Some of the furnishings are okay, and some of them are new to me, but still a far cry from the hookah… er… “bubble blower” in the House Party expansion pack, or the Elvis Shrine I downloaded from some website. The lack of downloadable objects is something I can’t fault this game for, since downloading game files is a feat unattainable by the Playstation (now, anyway), but with five different expansion packs coming out before this game did, I think they could have worked a bit harder to get the better objects from those expansions into this game, or failing that – the ability to create your own furniture. I know I probably watch too much Trading Spaces, and maybe that made me a bit too picky, but with only the (ugly) stock parts available to furnish your house, it’s tricky to make a room that doesn’t offend my eye. My Sims might have been happy with their surroundings, but I was thinking, “either those counters go, or I do”.

I enjoy that the game is fully 3D, with the ability to zoom and whirl around as you please, but there’s no shortage of jaggies sticking out of every person and object you look at. The “modest pixelation” present in the PC installment is back with a vengeance. Where previously you would see blurry pixels allowing you to make out the shape (but not details) of your Sims while they were nude, PS2 Sims gives you a gigantic multicolored block of pixels, which screams “Hey! Look over here! This person is naked!” I can’t even explain this new direction. I don’t have any interest in seeing my Sim go to the bathroom up-close, but the way it worked previously was much less intrusive.

It’s true, the graphics in the PC Sims weren’t perfect, and there was a lot of graphical “cheating” going on to gave it the look it did, which bothered a number of purists. It moved kind of slow, and you only had a choice of three zoom modes, and four different angles. But it was stylized, and this transition into real 3D does a lot more harm than good.

If you own the PC version of the Sims, play that. If you’re bored with it, buy an expansion pack. If you want to play the Sims but don’t have a computer, buy Animal Crossing. If you’ve got $5, require a fix for real-life simulation, and you’re at the video store, buy a box of Jujubes and rent “My Dinner With Andre”. If I have not made myself clear: Do not play this game. It will steal precious hours of your life, and give you nothing in return.